Road to Finding Self

 

Many moments in my life have felt overwhelmed with the things I have to take care of. The natural, the inevitable and the chosen all piling up day to day and week to week, and for me, through trying to learn and develop better ways of handling each task. I have managed to conquer and defeat any mess, clutter and consumption of time there is, but still always with a feeling of lingering dissatisfaction.

In thinking about my true dissatisfaction I realized that I had too many things in my life, too many things that constrict our life leaving not enough room for positive growth.

That is personal,  professional growth.

I felt trapped, continually trapped by the same chores and tasks and bills and drain pipes in my life. I realized I needed to stop adding and start depleting. Stop draining my energy and enthusiasm and begin instead, draining the things that take away from our life. 

I looked into my life, very carefully and thoughtfully, and began to place what was most important to me, the things that bring the truest kind of happiness, at the forefront of my thoughts.

Erasing, selling, and storing away things that only took up space and time. 

Through this process I have felt cleansed and able to restart my life and refocus priorities and goals.

For me this is writing, or creating in any form, being with my husband and our dogs, getting out to see and explore the world, seeking to learn more, seeking to understand more, seeking to have less things in our life and more memories.

The willful struggles we have added to our life have helped teach gratitude for the simplest things. Things like a bed, or a washing machine, or even a shower; for the tiniest drop of running water and electric power outlet. They have also taught me that things that used to consume our life aren't always really necessary - they were all self consumed, self absorbed sorts of needs and wants. 

The journey of deciding what to keep and what to begin ridding yourself of is a personal one that takes as much time as it naturally feels it should, but to begin to free yourself of personal weights and unnecessary loads of work is certainly a freeing and positive beginning to refocusing attention of better ideas and outlets.

For me it has helped push me further and further into what I value most, wanting and needing less, and I feel for the first time in my life I am on the path to reaching dreams and goals I had buried and almost forgotten long ago.

I had to dig down deep into myself and pull away the years I'd spent layering bad decisions and quick fixes. I had to begin removing things I relied on and felt comfortable with, reducing my life to only the bare essentials, and discovering at last how hard and yet how completely simple life can be, how my mind and my thoughts are the things to work to control, that without wanting new things (like another new plant) I am much more content with the things I have, and without having so many things (life loads of laundry or dishes) we are much more able to go out and explore. 

I have come very far away from feeling overwhelmed by life, by feeling life I will wake up in my mid life and realize how much youth and creative energy was wasted. I feel very much in control of the pieces in our life. I feel able to focus on my true ambitions and passions in life, and mostly I feel at peace with the chores that inevitable exist in life.

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Words and photos by Brianna Holman
I'm Brianna, a simple, honest lady, finding my way through my mid twenties, writing, reflecting, questioning, and improving; always seeking to move forward, to push myself outside of my comfortable norm. Now with my husband and our eight dogs we've chosen to consciously live with less making possible our ability to travel across country in our Fleetwood trailer. I am an admitted, continuous work in progress, in search of more questions to answer, ways to understand, and stories that enlighten. I seek understanding in every aspect of life, I seek empathetic understanding for everyone in life. I seek to reflect an honest life and inspire humble thoughts.